“When are you going to have kids?” This was the most popular question my husband and I received after getting married, and it is a very common question that is asked to couples (which I don’t agree with that question being asked, period). It is presumptuous to assume that every couple will have kid(s) and even if they do, it’s no one’s business but the couple’s. I know it’s extremely easy to be nosy into others’ lives and to be curious what other couples are doing (it’s natural to compare ourselves). But this isn’t fair to the couple as they may be going through fertility struggles that they don’t want to share. Every couple has their own story, and it’s up to them on if they want to share. I’m here to share mine and my husband’s story about getting pregnant.
The Decision (to have a baby)
History
To start, my husband and I have been together since we were 15 years old – high school sweethearts. As we continued on in our relationship we talked about marriage and kids. We both knew that we wanted kids one day, but we never set a timeline for when to have. We dated for 2.5 years in high school and then we did 4.5 years of long distance during college (Nor Cal / So Cal). After I graduated, I moved to the Bay Area to live with him. My husband proposed to me very shortly after we graduated college, and we wed when we were 25 years old. I can’t recall when the topic of kids came up, but it was not immediately after getting married.
Travel
After we got married, we started to travel a lot more, which was a blast! We’ve been able to travel all over the world together as a couple (+ with friends and family sometimes). I’m so glad that my husband and I had the time to be married just the two of us, without bringing a third person (i.e., baby) into our relationship. Our mid/ late 20’s was devoted to traveling the world and developing our careers. As we approached 30 the topic of having a baby came up more; however, I (at some point in my late 20’s) decided that I needed to go to Italy (as I’m Italian) before I have a baby. My goal to go to Italy was fulfilled in Summer 2022, but I then realized that in the following year (2023) my husband and I would both be turning 30. That meant I needed to plan more trips so we could celebrate our birthdays! I was very much on a travel-kick during this time, and I loved planning trips. It’s the Accounting Momma in me, but putting together an Excel file dedicated to a trip gets me going! As such, through most of 2023, we travelled more (celebrating my husband’s birthday in Cancun and celebrating my birthday in New York).
Buying a House
My husband and I talked for a few years about moving from the Bay Area back to our hometown, as we knew that we wouldn’t be able to afford a house in the Bay Area. We were very happy with our jobs, and then COVID hit! A blessing in disguise, COVID helped show that both my husband and I (along with many other employees all over the world) could work remotely and get our jobs done efficiently and effectively. Before my company went back to in-office, I was able to work with my managers to get approval to move back to my hometown. My husband was able to do the same with his company (it was a little bit easier for him as his company’s parent company has a branch in our hometown). With the approvals from both of our companies to allow us to work remotely, we started looking for houses in our hometown. We moved back home in 2021 and have lived there since.
Even after getting a house (which wasn’t a necessity for us to have before having a baby—we could have had a baby in the 2-bedroom townhouse that we were renting in the Bay Area, but it would have been a tight fit, especially with two remote working parents), we still did not have a baby right away. During this time, we had friends and family asking (or sometimes pressuring) us to have a baby, but we were very content with how our lives were going and we were not in a rush to have a baby.
Finding Out (I was pregnant)
Birth Control
I had gotten off the birth control pill during COVID, so all things considered, my body was “ready” to have a baby. My husband and I would discuss kids casually every once in a while, here and there, but we never had a full-on sit-down conversation about it to set a timeline of when we should start trying. After we fulfilled our birthday celebration vacations, we talked about the idea of kids a bit more as it came up in a discussion with my brother and sister-in-law (who were in the same boat as us, talking about trying for kids). I had my last period while on a trip to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Orange County. I had downloaded the Flo app that my sister-in-law recommended (I accidentally purchased the 1-year subscription, thinking I was doing the 7-day free trial—whoops! But it all worked out as I did use the app for the full year—conception through pregnancy). I highly recommend the Flo app, as it does a great job tracking your cycle, including your symptoms, and when you should have sex to conceive. October was the first month where I was actively tracking my cycle and determining my ovulation window (taking ovulation tests, tracking symptoms, etc.). We scheduled sex in and around my ovulation window, trying to give ourselves the best chance of getting pregnant.
The In Between Period
After the ovulation window is over you’re in this waiting period of trying to figure out if you’re pregnant or if your period is going to start (there’s way too many overlapping symptoms between pregnancy and periods). My first symptom, which started shortly after I ovulated, was sore breasts, and the soreness continued all the way until finding out I was pregnant. I had gotten sore boobs from my periods before, but the soreness usually started a day or two before my period started, not lasting the 7-10 days before that. Of course, I didn’t know that I was pregnant at the time of my breast soreness. I was pretty cautious during those ~2 weeks, avoiding alcohol, sushi, and other pregnancy no-no’s.
Positive Pregnancy Test
I took a pregnancy test on October 21st and it was negative. That day we went to the pumpkin patch, and I recall drinking apple cider (potential listeria risk that I was unaware of at the time). The next morning, I took another pregnancy test—I woke up, did my morning pee along with taking the pregnancy test, and I left it on the counter to wait the 3-5 minutes. I went downstairs to feed the dogs and when I came back upstairs, I picked up the pregnancy test and saw the faintest of faint lines.
I said out loud “Kevin, is that a faint line?” (knowing that he was asleep in our bedroom, which connects to our bathroom) I walked over to him on the bed and asked again, waking him up. His response:
Kevin: “What does that mean?!”
Me: “But is that a faint line?”
Kevin: (in an even more excited, anxious voice) “What does that mean?!”
Me: “You know what it means!!!”
I took a photo to document my first ever positive pregnancy test. I then continued to re-test (and document via photo) every day for like a week until I could see a doctor.
Shock and Disbelief
Honestly, I think my husband was in complete shock that it happened so quickly—he thought we had more time to try to conceive. And no, I don’t say this out of boast, as I know so many families who struggle with fertility—it is not a topic I take lightly, and it’s not a topic that’s talked about enough. I honestly felt kind of guilty getting pregnant on the first try. I didn’t understand how my husband and I were so fortunate to have tried for one month while I’ve known families who have tried for years. I felt even more guilty when a friend (who was in the process of trying to conceive) had asked me point blank how long it took Kevin and I to have our baby. I debated telling her the truth as I didn’t want her to feel pressured by my timeline. In the end I told her that we conceived on our first try; however, I clarified (very strongly) that this is not the norm. It can take 1 month, it can take 12 months, it can take over 2 years to get pregnant! And you shouldn’t feel pressured to get pregnant faster because it has happened quickly for other women. I know that’s easier said than done—don’t get me wrong, I know myself, and I know that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant right away, or within like 3 months, I would be overanalyzing and overthinking every little thing. I would be stressing out about whether I was tracking my cycle correctly or if we were having sex at the right times. So believe me, I’m not trying to say this like it’s some easy thing to do. And I know that it gets harder as each month passes by that you don’t see that positive pregnancy test. I also know that it gets harder as you see other families announce their pregnancies and you question why that can’t be you. I haven’t been in your shoes, but I can strongly empathize with you. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and I’m here for you if you ever just need a listening ear. Feel free to reach out to me (Contact).
And Actually Confirming the Positive Pregnancy Test
The wait time between finding out you’re pregnant and actually confirming it with a doctor is excruciating! I struggled fully believing that I was pregnant as I needed to confirm with an ultrasound that there was actually a little baby inside of me. I’d read the sad stories about miscarriages, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up until I knew with an ultrasound that there was a baby in there. I tried to remain optimistic as the weeks ticked by, but I hated not knowing and having to wait until my doctor appointment (not scheduled until week 8 or 9). I was initially scheduled for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving; however, my brother and sister-in-law were coming into town for Thanksgiving, and I knew that they would know I was pregnant if I wasn’t drinking. So I worked with my healthcare provider to change my appointment to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I had to see a different doctor than my regular OBGYN and at a different location, but I was too anxious to not have the appointment before Thanksgiving where I didn’t care who I saw – I just needed to know if there was a baby.
I thought the timing would work fine, but we ended up getting dinner with my parents, brother, and sister-in-law on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We went to a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant. Everyone was ordering drinks—my mom a Coke, my dad a margarita, so then my brother and husband got a margarita too. I passed and said I would take a water. My sister-in-law then gave me a look, as she was debating whether or not to get a margarita too. I told her that I had work tomorrow so I didn’t want to drink. It bought me a little bit of time, until the drinks arrived, and my sister-in-law was stewing and making quiet comments thinking I’m pregnant (even though I tried to deny it). We ended up moving tables (to have more space) and she whispered to me again about being pregnant and I finally caved and said I was, but we were waiting for our first doctor appointment the following day. She was in complete shock. She whispered it to my brother, who did not believe her. He continued to not believe me until the next day when I sent them a picture of my ultrasound.
Announcement
Everyone has their own thoughts about when and how to share the news of a positive pregnancy result. Some couples decide to wait until after the 1st trimester to tell friends/family, while others share the news almost immediately with friends/family. And then there’s the aspect of sharing the news on social media (if couples decide to do that).
Immediate Family
While we did plan on telling family during the Thanksgiving holiday, we wanted to wait until we had our doctor appointment (to make sure that there was a baby in there). I understand I was only 9 weeks at the time of telling family, but we wanted to share the news. I knew the risks, but my husband and I couldn’t hold onto the secret any longer.
My Parents
Since my brother and sister-in-law already knew the secret, they helped us coordinate surprising my parents with the news (and videoing it). We decided to go to trivia night at a local brewery with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. I had already decided to give them the news with custom coffee mugs that said “Promoted from Dog Grandma (Grandpa) to Human Grandma (Grandpa)”. I had given them the gifts when we sat down at the brewery (after my dad asked me twice if I wanted a beer and I said that I would get one soon). I told them that these were gifts for helping to watch our dogs the past summer (they watched our dogs a lot while we travelled). In the video you can hear my dad reading the mug out loud, while the video is on my mom who was reading it (quietly) and then it clicks and her mouth drops and she shouts “oh my gosh, you’re pregnant?!” It took my dad a second to catch up, but they were both really excited to find out that they were going to become grandparents!
Siblings
Next on the list was telling my sister-in-law and her husband (and their 3 kids). Since Thanksgiving with my husband’s family was postponed (due to my father-in-law getting sick), we decided to see my sister-in-law and her family on Thanksgiving morning before spending the day with my family. We brought over Noah’s bagels for everyone, and we had taped the ultrasound photo inside of the bagel box. When we got there, we asked my sister-in-law to check to make sure we got all the bagels right (especially for the kids)—we knew we had it right though, but wanted her to open the box. She was mid conversation as she opened the box, and her mouth dropped when she saw the ultrasound. She took it out and ran looking for her husband, who in the end was in the bathroom. While she never interrupts him on the toilet, she braved through and went in just to show him the ultrasound. They were so excited that we were finally having a baby, who is only one year younger than their youngest child. Yay for cousins growing up together!
In-Laws
Lastly on the list was telling my husband’s parents. Again, since Thanksgiving was postponed with his family, we had to wait until the Saturday after Thanksgiving to tell my mother-in-law and father-in-law. We took a similar gift approach and purchased a Chelsea FC onesie (our favorite soccer team) and wrapped it in a box. My father-in-law’s birthday is in early December so we told him that it was an early birthday gift and he opened the gift in front of everyone. When he saw the onesie first, he said “for reals?” and then we told him to hold it up (for everyone to see) and my mother-in-law let out one of the loudest screams of excitement! Everybody was very excited, and we were so happy to be giving them a 4th grandchild!
Friends
We waited a little bit longer until we told our friends. For friends that lived out of the area, we told them via phone. I had one friend visit from out of town and she accidentally saw my ultrasound on our fridge (we didn’t do a great job hiding it). I printed a sticker from Etsy that said “Only the Best Friends get Promoted to Auntie” and stuck it on a wine bottle to give to another friend as a gift. Lastly, for other friends’ announcement I bought a sweatshirt that said “Merry Christmas (Also, I’m Pregnant)” and that worked as a great way to share the news in a fun way with friends.
Social Media
In the new year (on New Year’s Day actually), after I was well past the first trimester we then did a social media announcement. We had purchased a pair of baby Allbird shoes and we lined them up next to mine and my husband’s Allbird shoes, along with a sign that said “New Year, New Adventure – Baby Girl Due June 2024”! This was a fun way to kick off the new year with a post that could be captured in my Instagram history.
The trend in social media pregnancy announcements has shifted dramatically, with it being more common now to not even announce your pregnancy and instead “hard launch” your baby. I don’t regret doing a pregnancy announcement on social media, as it was a big milestone for us, and I wanted to document it. I also had so much fun telling family and friends that we were pregnant using creative ways like gifts and sweatshirts.
To each their own—if you don’t want to announce your pregnancy and you just want to keep it to yourself/ your partner (family, friends, etc.), you do you. Either way, your pregnancy journey is being celebrated by the people who matter most!
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