There’s a dramatic shift that happens when you go from being a couple to becoming a family of three. It’s no longer “just the two of us” *cue the 1980 song by Bill Withers and Grover Washington, Jr.*. The newborn phase is a lot like survival—learning to care for a little one, while mom also dealing with all things postpartum (hormones, physical recovery, etc.).
Suddenly time feels both fuller and more scarce than ever. My husband and I joke that we used to be “busy” before we had a baby, but we had no idea what busy was until we had a baby. Even now that our daughter is almost 2 years old, there’s so much in caring for a child, and trying to hold on to your sense of self while also nurturing a marriage…it can feel like there’s never enough time to give everything the attention it deserves.
The idea of perfectly balancing “me time,” “we time,” and “us time” fades, and is replaced by reality and understanding that it will never be 33%/33%/33% for each category each day. It’s important to look for small, purposeful moments—time to reconnect with ourselves, to invest in each other as partners, and to be fully present as a family. I’ve realized that maybe it’s not about having enough time for everything, but about making the moments we do have truly count.
The Mental Load
The mental load of motherhood is the invisible, ever-running checklist that rarely quiets down—remembering appointments, planning meals, tracking milestones, anticipating needs before they’re spoken. It doesn’t clock out, even in the moments that are supposed to be “me time,” and it can quietly spill into “we time” and “us time,” making it harder to feel fully present.
Balancing all three isn’t just about carving out hours in the day; it’s about gently setting down that mental weight, even if only for a little while. It means allowing yourself to step away without guilt, to be a partner without distraction, and to show up for your family without feeling stretched thin. Not perfectly, but intentionally—because sometimes the most meaningful balance comes not from doing it all, but from giving yourself permission to pause.
I understand that this is so much easier said than done. I am a go-go-go type of mom, and I talk about this in more detail in my Mom Guilt blog post, but I know that I need to slow down. I do not need to go 100mph to get everything done, because at the end of the day, I still feel the mental load and the mom guilt.
For me, it’s about sharing the mental load with my husband, and communicating clearly my needs, as both a mom and a wife. And it’s a two-way street; my husband needs to communicate his needs with me as well so that we can balance it all. This is a continuous learning process for me—to reduce my mental load and find time to pause and enjoy my “me”, “we” and “us” time more and in the moment.
Me Time
What Does Me Time Look Like
Me time doesn’t have to be extravagant or hours long to matter—it’s often found in the small, intentional pauses woven into the day. For me, my “me time” is typically reading a few chapters of my book, going to a workout class, or even writing a blog post! But sometimes my “me time” can be a girls trip (like I just took to Scottsdale with some friends) or it can be a nice, long, hot bath. Whatever “me time” looks like for you, it’s important to find that time during such a pivotal shift in becoming a family of 3.
My “me time” isn’t about escaping my daughter or my husband; it’s about reconnection and remembering who I am outside of being a mom and a wife, and giving myself the space to breathe. I am a default introvert, so I put a high value on getting “reset time” and building my energy back up, alone. While some “me time” is inconsistent or interrupted, this time isn’t defined by how long is lasts, but by how present and restorative it feels in the moment.
Letting Go of Mom Guilt
Making space for “me time” often comes with a heavy dose of mom guilt—the feeling that any moment spent on yourself is a moment taken away from your family. But the truth is, caring for your own mental health isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. I know very well that is isn’t easy to let go of the mom guilt—my mind is always on my daughter and my family, especially when I’m doing “me time”. I’ve been working to reframe what “me time” really is for me—it’s a way to recharge, reset and show up more fully for my family.
I feel like I live on a hamster wheel sometimes, as I consider myself a go-go-go person (and I know that I need to change that, and just slow down). I need to give myself permission to rest, to breathe, and to exist outside of being a mom and a wife. I have an extremely supportive husband, who encourages me to take “me time” and yet I still struggle. But deep down I know that a healthier, more present version of you is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
We Time
Relationship Changes
“We time” inevitably shifts when a baby enters the picture—what once felt easy and spontaneous can suddenly require planning, energy, and intention. The dynamic between husband and wife changes as you both step into new roles, often leaving less space for the kind of connection you used to have. Conversations get interrupted, date nights look different (or happen less often), and exhaustion can take center stage.
One popular phase early on is the roommate phase. Days become a cycle of feedings, diapers, and survival mode, and it’s easy to slip into simply coexisting rather than truly connecting. Conversations revolve around logistics, affection can take a backseat, and you may feel more like teammates managing a household than partners nurturing a relationship. It’s a normal, temporary shift—but one that calls for gentle awareness and small, intentional efforts to find your way back to each other.
What Does We Time Look Like
In this new season, “we time” becomes even more important. It’s found in the small, everyday moments—checking in after a long day, sharing a quiet laugh, or simply sitting together once the house is finally still. Your relationship may look different than it did before, but with intention and grace, it can grow deeper in ways you never expected.
My husband and I find joy in tiny moments—watching our tv show in the evening after our daughter has gone down for bed, or watching the TikTok’s we’ve sent each other throughout the day in bed before falling asleep. Even though these don’t seem like big moments, we cherish these small, intentional moments spent with each other.
One thing that my husband and I can do better at doing is intentionally planning date nights. We get “stuck” in our routine and sometimes forget to make time for 1:1 time outside of the house. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good stay-in date night (plus it’s cheaper), but it’s also nice to get out of the house and share time doing other things (going to the movies, mini golfing, enjoying a nice dinner, etc.).
I’ve mentioned the 2-2-2 rule before (every 2 weeks = date night; every 2 months = weekend away; every 2 years = trip). While this “rule” is a bit hard to follow, from both a time and money perspective, I do like the concept, and I think it’s helped us be more intentional in planning our time together.
Us Time
The shift from “me” and “we” to “us” is both subtle and profound. What once felt like a balanced rhythm between personal time and couple time begins to expand, making room for something entirely new—a shared life that includes a little one at the center.
What Does Us Time Look Like
There’s this pressure to make everything “special” when having “us time”—going on a vacation or planning a big outing. But in reality, it’s the simple connection in the “us time” that means the most. Our daughter isn’t looking for some big ‘wow’ factor when she’s spending time with us…she just wants us present with her.
My family finds “us time” in the small routines we have—our weekday breakfast routine (our daughter eats breakfast standing in her toddler tower against the kitchen island while I make her lunch for daycare and while my husband prepares the morning coffees and our daughter’s breakfast); or our bedtime routine (heading upstairs ~1 hour before bedtime for our daughter to drink her milk, while my husband and I read her books or play with her toys with her).
There is never a dull moment with our daughter. We are always laughing when we are with her. She is silliest kid I have ever met, and I love laughing with her and my husband on a daily basis. The three of us have a special bond—our daughter will point to me and say “mama”, then point to my husband and say “dada” and then she points to herself and says “Emma”. She recognizes each of her family members and it’s the sweetest.
Us Time in the Future
“Us time” has changed as our daughter has gotten older. In the beginning when our daughter was first born, “us time” was about growing together, learning new roles, and finding joy in the beautifully chaotic moments that come with becoming a family of three, including those sleepless nights.
“Us time” reshapes what togetherness means, turning everyday moments into the foundation of a deeper, fuller kind of love. While I don’t need every “us time” to be Pinterest worthy and perfect, I want to make sure my family prioritizes “us time”, even as we get older and our lives become busier.
I’ve told my husband that I really want to do family dinners together. Part of me thinks that sounds silly writing that, but I know that my daughter’s life will get busier as she gets older, and I want us to still be able to come back together as a family for dinner. I would also love to do family vacations, where financially feasible, as I think it’s important for us to get away from our everyday routine and find joy together.
Reality & Tips
Normalize Imbalance
The reality is that you won’t get perfect balance across me time, we time, and us time every single day—and that’s normal. Some days will feel like survival mode where you’re just getting through the essentials. Other days, one category might take priority and quietly dominate the rest. The goal isn’t equal distribution every day, but a more forgiving rhythm over time. When you stop expecting daily balance, you make room for flexibility instead of guilt.
Benefits to Structure
One of the most helpful shifts is being intentional with how time gets protected across the week. Small structures can go a long way: mornings might be for “me time” before the day gets loud, evenings can be a reset space for either “us time” or decompression, and weekends can hold bigger blocks for connection or restoration depending on what’s been missing.
This also works best when paired with open communication with your partner—simply naming what kind of time you need prevents misunderstandings and resentment from building quietly in the background. And just as important, lowering expectations on what each moment should look like helps reduce the pressure that often gets in the way of actually enjoying it.
Expectations
I’ve had moments where everything felt slightly off—like I was physically present in my life but mentally stretched too thin to feel connected to any of it. Like I said, the small moments are everything—those evenings where our “us time” is just sitting together on the couch with no energy for conversation. It may not look like much from the outside, but it is grounding in its own way. The small, quiet shared presence with my husband is enough to soften the edges of a chaotic week. Those moments remind me that not every moment has to be meaningful in a big way to still count—it just has to meet you where you are.
At the end of the day, if this all feels a little messy, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re living a real life with competing needs and limited time. You’re not failing because every day doesn’t feel balanced or intentional. Most people are trying to juggle the same invisible load, and it rarely looks neat from the inside.
What matters more than perfect balance is the accumulation of small, intentional moments. A few quiet minutes of me time, a simple check-in for we time, or a brief moment of connection for us time can genuinely shift the tone of your entire week. These don’t have to be big, carefully planned experiences to count. When you consistently make space—even in small ways—you start to feel more grounded, more connected, and less like you’re constantly catching up to your own life. You got this momma!