Making friends as an adult is hard. Making mom friends is a whole different level of awkward—you’re trying to figure out whether you actually click with someone who your child seems to be friends with and wondering, “Is it too soon to ask for her number?”
As a kid, friendship seemed so effortless. You sat next to someone in class, played together at recess, or ended up on the same soccer team, and suddenly you had a new best friend. There was no overthinking it, no wondering whether you had enough in common, and certainly no anxiety about who should make the first move.
As an adult, friendship takes a lot more intention. And once you become a mom, finding the time and opportunity to build those relationships can feel even harder. You’re not only looking for someone you enjoy—you’re often looking for another mom whose child gets along with yours, whose parenting style and values feel compatible, and whose schedule somehow lines up with yours. It can feel a little like dating, except you’re both carrying diaper bags and trying to keep your kids from running in opposite directions.
But I’ve learned that making mom friends doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it seems. Sometimes, it starts with something as simple as a conversation at daycare, a shared gymnastics class, or one mom being brave enough to ask, “Do you want to get the kids together sometime?”
How Do I Make Friends?
School
Remember when making friends was as simple as sitting next to someone in class and deciding you liked each other? Growing up, school made friendship feel almost effortless. You saw the same kids every day, year after year; so many of the people I went to elementary school with ended up following the same path through middle school and high school. I had people in my life who grew alongside me from the time I was six until I was eighteen. Looking back, it’s kind of amazing how naturally those friendships happened.
I can think back to friendships from so many different stages of my childhood. One of my earliest good friends, Sarah, was someone I met at daycare—although, looking back, I’m sure my parents had a lot to do with making that friendship possible. Then my family moved to a new city and I started kindergarten, and suddenly that familiar world was gone. I can’t remember exactly who my friends were throughout elementary school. A few faces come to mind, but the details are fuzzy. What I do remember is how easy it felt to meet people and become friends simply because we happened to be in the same place, at the same time.
Extra Curricular Activities
Of course, school wasn’t the only place where friendships happened. Kids also make friends through extracurricular activities—sports, band, clubs, and everything in between. I grew up playing soccer, and some of my closest childhood friends came from the different teams I played on. But it wasn’t just the kids who became friends. My parents naturally got to know the other parents on the team, too, and I think that played a bigger role in my friendships than I realized at the time.
When I was 11, I traveled to Sweden and Denmark as part of the U13 U.S. Girls Soccer Team. I loved getting to travel with my friends, but I think the experience was made even easier because our parents knew and trusted one another. I even remember my dad playing poker with some of the other dads. In a lot of ways, our soccer community became one big extended family—and friendship just seemed to happen naturally.
Honestly, a majority of my closest friendships to this day can be traced back to the soccer teams I played on growing up. I can confidently say that those friendships played a huge role in shaping who I am today. Some of my favorite childhood memories revolve around soccer—not just the games and practices themselves, but everything that happened outside of them. We had sleepovers, spent countless weekends together, and got into the kind of harmless trouble that made childhood so much fun, including the occasional toilet-papering adventure. Those are the memories that have stayed with me, and many of those friendships have lasted long beyond the soccer field. Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to grow up surrounded by friends who became such an important part of my childhood and, ultimately, a lasting part of my life.
College
College is an interesting time when it comes to friendships because, for many people, it’s the first time they move away from home and have to start over somewhere new. In a lot of ways, college feels like a fresh start. While some people choose a school close to home or attend college alongside friends from high school, I went to college about eight hours away from my hometown—and I didn’t know a single person at my new school.
Fortunately, college also came with plenty of built-in opportunities to meet people. I made many of my closest friends through the Business Honors Program at my college, where I was surrounded by other students who shared similar interests and goals.
I also made friends in my dorm, although that was a little more challenging because my college was largely a commuter school. One friendship in particular grew out of the fact that we had something in common right away: she was from Kansas and, like me, was a long way from home. That shared experience gave us an immediate connection, and because we were also both in the Business Honors Program, we naturally had plenty of opportunities to spend time together.
It’s interesting—and a little bittersweet—to look back at my college friendships because many of them have slowly faded from my life. I had a wonderful core group of friends in college, but shortly after graduating, I moved away and was no longer living near the people I had spent so much time with. I visited some of them occasionally over the years, but without the everyday proximity of classes, meals, and simply being together, the friendships naturally changed. I’m incredibly grateful for the friendships I had during college, even if many ultimately became what I think of as “season of life” friendships. They were an important part of that chapter of my life, gave me some of my favorite memories, and reminded me that not every friendship has to last forever to be meaningful.
Work
Work is another interesting place to make friends because, unlike school or college, you can walk into a workplace and find yourself surrounded by people in completely different stages of life. Your experience can really depend on the type of workplace you enter and who happens to be there when you start.
After graduating from college, I started my career in public accounting. I joined a cohort of about 30 other people who had also just graduated from college, so we were all entering our first “real” jobs at the same time and going through many of the same experiences. Because we were in such a similar phase of life, friendships formed pretty naturally.
During those first couple of years, we went out almost every weekend and had so much fun together. I ended up making two of my best friends to this day through that job; we were even in each other’s weddings. Looking back, it was another example of how easy it can be to make friends when you’re surrounded by people who are experiencing the same stage of life as you.
After my first job, I moved into private accounting, and the dynamic was completely different. I was no longer starting alongside a group of people my age. Instead, I was working with people in a variety of stages of life, with different interests, responsibilities, and priorities. I’ve made friends at this job, but they haven’t developed into the same kind of close friendships I had at my first job.
I think part of that comes down to how we view workplace relationships. Some people prefer to keep their coworkers strictly as coworkers, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. But when you consider how much time we spend with the people we work with, I’ve always felt that there’s value in getting to know them on a personal level, too. You can maintain a professional relationship while still allowing yourself to build genuine connections with the people you spend so much of your time with.
Making Friends Gets Harder After Having Kids
You may think you were busy before having kids, but once you become a parent, you quickly realize you had no idea what “busy” really meant. The newborn phase is a constant cycle of learning, adjusting, trial and error, and simply trying to figure out what your baby needs. Between the sleepless nights, feedings, diaper changes, and everything else that comes with a newborn, there isn’t much time—or energy—for anything outside of keeping yourself and your baby going.
And just when you start to feel like you’ve figured things out, your child gets older and life changes all over again. The challenges are different, the schedule gets fuller, and there always seems to be something new to navigate. On top of your child’s needs and activities, you’re also trying to balance work, marriage, errands, household responsibilities, and maybe, if you’re lucky, a little time for yourself.
It’s no wonder making friends as a mom can feel so difficult. Everyone is juggling their own schedules and competing priorities, and becoming a mom can completely change your interests, routines, and availability. The things that once made it easy to see friends—grabbing dinner after work, making spontaneous plans, or staying out late—suddenly require planning, childcare, and a whole lot more coordination. Friendship doesn’t necessarily become less important after having kids; finding the time and energy to nurture it just becomes a lot harder.
Mom Friend Expectations
Societal Pressure
I think there’s also a certain societal pressure to find “mom friends” once you become a mom. Maybe you’re lucky enough to have friends who are having babies around the same time as you, so you automatically have someone who understands what you’re going through. In a way, you get a built-in mom friend without having to look for one.
But that wasn’t my experience. I was the first person in my close friend group to have a child, which meant none of my friends were going through the same stage of life alongside me. The closest was a friend whose daughter is about 10 months younger than mine. Ten months doesn’t sound like a huge age difference, but when you’re talking about babies, it can feel like a lifetime. Their schedules, milestones, and needs can be completely different, which made it harder to relate to each other’s experiences in those early months. Now that they’re a bit older, our kids can interact more with one another, which is sweet.
Comparison Trap
The comparison trap can be difficult to navigate, too. It’s so easy to look at other moms and assume they have it all figured out—especially when it seems like everyone else has a huge group of mom friends, a packed social calendar, and their own built-in village. You might find yourself wondering, Why don’t I have that? or even feeling embarrassed that you want more friends in the first place.
But it’s important to remember that you don’t need a giant village. You just need a few people you genuinely enjoy and feel comfortable with. I’ve always felt this way about friendship in general. You don’t need a million friends or a huge social circle to feel fulfilled. Having a few close friends who you can confide in, laugh with, and turn to when you need someone is so much more meaningful than the number of people in your circle.
How to Meet Other Moms
So, where do you actually meet potential mom friends? Some of the most obvious places are the ones you’re probably already going: parks and playgrounds, library story times, toddler activities and classes, church or community groups, and daycare. When my daughter was a baby, though, I found myself shying away from some of these places. She was so young that I assumed she wouldn’t get much out of the park or a toddler class, and I didn’t see much of a reason to go if she wasn’t really going to participate.
There are also more intentional ways to meet other moms, such as joining a mom group, a local community group, a parenting class, or getting involved in volunteer opportunities. But if I’m being honest, I think I avoided these options mostly because I was shy. There were plenty of times when I considered joining a mom group, going to a mom yoga class, or signing up for a mom walk, but I never quite made the leap. The idea of walking into a group of strangers and trying to make friends felt a little intimidating.
At the time, I didn’t really prioritize finding mom friends. I felt like I had enough support between my husband, my family, and my existing friends—even though none of those friends had kids yet. And in many ways, I was right. I had plenty of people who loved and supported me. But looking back, I think it still would have been nice to have a community of moms who were going through that same stage of life. Someone who understood the exhaustion of the newborn phase, the constant questions and uncertainty, and all of the little things that only another mom with a baby might truly understand.
I think that’s something I would do differently if I could go back. Not because I was missing something or because my existing relationships weren’t enough, but because there’s something special about having people around you who are experiencing the same season of life at the same time.
Making the First Move
I think it really started to click for me once my daughter began daycare. Her teachers would tell us stories about how she was interacting with different friends throughout the day, often mentioning the other kids by name. During her first six months of daycare, from about 6 to 12 months old, we didn’t have many interactions with the other parents. At that age, the kids were still so young and weren’t exactly seeking each other out. But as my daughter got older—and much more mobile—she began interacting with more and more of her classmates, and naturally, we started becoming more familiar with the other families, too.
Between about 12 and 18 months, we started having more frequent “parent interactions.” My husband and I would run into other parents during drop-off or pickup, exchange a few words, and slowly begin to recognize the familiar faces. They were small interactions, but they started to make the daycare community feel a little more personal.
Then, around the time my daughter was 22 months old, something happened that made me realize how naturally mom friendships can start. One of her friends was getting ready to transition to the next classroom, and her parents left cards in a handful of the kids’ cubbies with their phone number and an invitation to get together. It was such a simple gesture, but I remember thinking, “Oh, this is how it starts.” Someone has to be willing to make the first move.
Another friendship opportunity came from an even simpler conversation. We were chatting with another parent about their daughter’s activities and found out that she was also taking gymnastics. As it turned out, our daughters went to the same gymnastics studio, just on different days and times. It was one of those casual conversations that could have ended after a few minutes, but instead opened the door to realizing that we had something else in common.
First Hang Out
Our first hangout was surprisingly easy. I decided to take my daughter to the gymnastics class that her friend attended, which was a little tricky to coordinate since my daughter goes to daycare Monday through Friday, while her friend only attends daycare Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and typically went to gymnastics on Thursdays. But because the gymnastics class already gave us a set time and place to meet, there wasn’t much planning involved—and that made it feel much less intimidating.
It was so much fun watching our daughters interact outside of daycare while doing something they both enjoyed. And while they were busy with gymnastics, it gave the other mom and me a chance to talk and get to know each other a little better. By the end of that first class, I felt comfortable enough to ask for her phone number. It felt like a small step, but it was one I probably wouldn’t have taken a year earlier.
Development
Around the same time, I had also reached out to the mom who had left her phone number in our daughter’s cubby. Partly, I wanted to acknowledge the thoughtful gesture, but I also wanted to take her up on the invitation and see if we could get the kids together outside of daycare. Eventually, I started a group text with the phone numbers I had collected, and we arranged our first playdate at a local park.
That playdate turned into something we continued for the next few months. It wasn’t every weekend, and it certainly wasn’t a formal commitment, but we made a point of getting the kids together outside of daycare when we could. Then summer arrived, bringing busier schedules and some seriously hot weather, so our park meetups naturally became less frequent, but we have recently picked back up.
Still, something had changed. I had a group chat with other moms from my daughter’s daycare. We talked about our kids, asked each other questions, shared recommendations, and slowly started getting to know one another beyond daycare drop off and pickup. Over time, I’ve developed closer connections with a few of the moms, and those casual interactions have started to feel more like genuine friendships.
While our hangouts are centered around the kids, it’s been really lovely getting to know the other moms along the way. Those initial park playdates have naturally led to other opportunities to spend time together. Our daughter has since been invited to several birthday parties, and we even started a swim class with one of her friends from daycare. I’ve also continued going to the Thursday gymnastics class about once a month when my schedule allows. What started as a simple way for the kids to spend time together has slowly created opportunities for us moms to get to know each other, too.
What I’ve realized through all of this is that friendship usually doesn’t develop from one perfect conversation or one amazing first hangout. It happens through repeated interactions—seeing the same people, having small conversations, finding things you have in common, and slowly becoming more comfortable with one another. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to take that first small step.
Finding Your People
It Takes Time
Finding your “people” can take time. Honestly, making mom friends can feel a little like dating. You meet someone new, keep the first few hangouts low-pressure, and see if there’s a connection. Playgrounds, library story times, or other kid-friendly activities are perfect for this because there’s already something to focus on, so the interaction doesn’t feel quite as much like a formal friendship audition. You’re not just looking for someone you enjoy spending time with—you’re often looking for someone whose parenting style, values, and lifestyle align with yours, at least enough to make the friendship feel natural.
And then there’s the funny part when the friendship moves beyond in-person conversations and into texting or social media. Suddenly, you find yourself wondering, Are they going to text me back? Did I say something weird? But the reality is that we’re all moms, and we’re all busy. Sometimes a text gets buried under a million other things happening throughout the day, and responding simply slips your mind. A missed text—or even a delayed response—doesn’t necessarily mean rejection. Building a friendship takes time, and sometimes it requires a little patience, a little persistence, and a willingness to not overthink every interaction.
The Value of Friendship
No matter how these friendships develop or how deep they ultimately become, I’ve come to realize that each relationship has value. Not every mom you meet is going to become a lifelong friend, and that’s okay. Some friendships may stay at the level of a friendly conversation at pickup, while others may turn into regular playdates, group chats, birthday parties, or genuine friendships that continue long after your kids stop going to the same daycare.
Daycare is only one season of my daughter’s life, but right now, it’s a pretty significant one. She’s spending a large part of her childhood surrounded by these same kids, and for the next two or three years, they’ll be growing and learning alongside one another. There’s something really special about watching those relationships develop—not only between the kids, but between the parents, too.
And ironically, many of her daycare friends are zoned for completely different schools. Once daycare ends, they’ll likely all go their separate ways to different elementary schools, and eventually different middle and high schools. So there’s no guarantee that these friendships will last forever. But I don’t think that makes them any less meaningful.
Maybe that’s part of the lesson in making friends as an adult: not every friendship needs to have a lifelong destination to be worth having. Some people are meant to be part of a particular season of your life. They can make an ordinary Tuesday afternoon more fun, give you someone to text when your toddler does something hilarious, or simply remind you that you’re not navigating this stage of motherhood alone. And sometimes, you never know which of those “seasonal” friendships might eventually turn into something that lasts much longer than you expected.
Give Yourself Permission to Try
Making friends as an adult can be awkward. Making mom friends can feel even more complicated because there are so many other things competing for your time and attention. You may wonder if you’re being too forward by asking for someone’s number, if you’re interrupting someone who already has their own group of friends, or if they’ll even want to hear from you again. But the truth is, you’ll never know unless you’re willing to take that first step.
I’ve realized that making mom friends doesn’t happen all at once. It happens through those small, sometimes awkward moments that gradually turn into something more. A conversation at pickup becomes a text message. A text becomes a playdate. A playdate becomes a birthday party, a group chat, or a standing activity. And before you know it, the people who were once strangers start to feel like part of your community.
So if you’re a mom who feels like you haven’t found your people yet, give yourself permission to try. You aren’t behind. You aren’t the only one looking for friendship. And you don’t need to have a huge village—you just need to be open to finding a few people who make this season of life a little more fun, a little more supported, and a lot less lonely. It’s never too late to find your people.